a little corner to visit my emotions on a random day

i realised i'm still going through an emotional ride in the lows... just that i've been kinda too "busy" to realise it..

looking back.. it all started in november... event after event.. all the way till january.. and before everything settled emotionally, i was cheong-ing into my new job... the blessing's that i had new things to fill my mind and focus on.. at least, it gave me less time to grief or sink into some emotionally sorry state...

now.. as the family gathers, as time passed, i realised i never forgotten the unique voice... the deep and loud voice he sang with his heart, the all time uptight yet always fatherly and giving attitude... neither did i let go of ah-por who's so dear to me..

i start to wake up, stare into the ceiling, and sometimes cry... how do we hug a person who's no longer tangible and wish i hugged him when i could.. and how do we stroke the grey hair on someone's who's no longer around physically... from where can we smell that familiar air of their presence?

yes i know, we all gotta be strong, and live well with them in our hearts... but the grief just gets to unbearable...

now i've come to know, that another someone dear, has numbered days... because illness is invading her life... she looked after me when i was a kid.. and drifted as i grew up and after she had her own family... but.. some bonds don't disappear... i fear and dread the day that's approaching... i hate, even the thought that i would have to be there in that setting, to see her leave us... because i already know this day isn't too far away...

i know it's inevitable.. but, it's too many people to say goodbye to within such a short time... i may just snap...

God, i know, there's a time, there's a reason.. i believe and have faith, Lord, just help me to be strong please...