=)

星星就是穷人的珍珠
你的笑支撑着我虔诚的最初

smile

joy in the heart brings a smile to the face...
and a smile on the face brings joy to those around =)

sigh-ish mood

seems like the moment i'm not doing anything... i will just go online and come into my blog to type something...

aiyah... i can't even figure out myself properly... actually no lah i can lah... just dunno... i think i'm too imaginative... live with so many assumptions i made about people... like assuming their reaction... then everytime i kena bull's eye, then feel like... "sigh, i knew that was coming" sounds so negative... sometimes i find myself very wierd... seeking what i do not wish to seek, trying to achieve what i do not want... so contradicting... today's mood is so indescribable... no, not today... but these days... i can wake up feeling chirpy... or feel like crying the moment i open my eyes... so odd...

seriously, nothing is that wrong with my life... at least nothing seems fatal enough to be too wrong... since i'm like any other normal human being breathing the same air in this world, sharing some space where i set my feet upon... what could be so wrong about it?

suddenly thought about what we talked about last night... that i find myself trying to reason out the cause of a reaction or gesture i recieve from any other - boyfriend, friend, acquaintant, family, colleague... so it somehow always seem logical and "dutiful" to emphatize, forgive and understand... or not even forgive... because when i understand, i already know it's not a fault... then it gives not basis for anger, thus no basis for forgiveness... hey... i'm not trying to sound like a noble person... cos i'm no where near it... just that it seems logical enough to be interpreted this way...

sigh... feeling so sigh-ish today... k lah... enough... bye!

ignorant wor.. wahahaha

ignorant = sua gu lah.. hahaha

i got my date with my gal buddy this afternoon... but whoa... ok... i broke my own incredible record having her wait for my more than an hour... i know it pricks her that i made her feel so unimportant to me... i'm so terribly sorry... i seriously can't apologize enough for that sweetie...

well... but... of course... you never fail to make my day... hugz and kisses for you babe!! enjoyed standing in front of taka watching the percussion busking thingee despite the weather... just so fun right... butts itching to dance to the beat!! heehee...

just for the benefit of those who didn't hear about my day yet... my gal buddy... happened to have a friend who's at orchard when we were there... then she generously introduced lah... and he kindly offered to drive me to tiong bahru where i was going to meet my other friend for dinner, since we were going to leave and gal sweetie is meeting her family in orchard... this is the most sua gu part of the day lor... cos... this guy who drives this 2-door white machine!! hahaha... so "gong" lor i felt... made me feel like some commoner from a different part of the world... hahaha... anyway... the hilarious part about me... being typically me... was... when i saw the machine... i was trying to see what car is it lah... cos like impressive thing mah... but huh... every label was like removed lor... so 1st attempt failed... then... i actually couldn't find the "door handle" in sight!!... hahaha... lucky ah... i caught it fast enough before being noticed... so getting into the vehicle wasn't too tough... he said the door is heavy so nicely slammed the thing for me lah... the next, was me feeling so ultra bimbo... never sat in such a machine mah... then... try so hard to look out for the brand name still... darn... i can't even identify the car i was sitting in!!! never mind... not all ah... still got ultimate embarassment... when i was going to get off, again he say door heavy so told me to hang on... the he got off and wanted to walk over to like close it for me after i get off mah... but... aiyoh... so ku-ku lor me... i was like "eh!" just before he closed his door, he then "huh?" and i'm like "how to open the door?" wahahahahahahaha... i couldn't find the thing to open the door from inside lah!!! wah... so cannot make it lor... hahahahahahahaha... huge joke of me lor...

k lah... anyway... didn't hang out too late... got myself home before 12... =) dinner at the hawker was simple but nice... i guess today's mood was pretty laid back and relaxing... everything nice and slow... silly but pleasant... even tea at wheelock was good since we got a pretty exclusive seat to chat a little and like take the longest time ever to finish 1 slice of cake... heehee... a good time spent lah =)

hmm... somehow not all for the day... spent over an hour talking to my dear gal on the phone... chatting about taking up some dance lessons which i really can't quite wait to... but most importantly... we were discussing our lives like the wierdest friends of friends... why do i say so?? cos we were so into what we're both saying... but pretty much speaking in different and opposing languages... but while we were like chicken and duck... we somehow were understanding each others foreign language... you know how thankful it is to have somebody like that... we like tell each other off, and then the other defenses like nobody's business even she knows there's nothing to defend for... then... there's an unwritten understanding of... "yes i know what you were saying, and yes i know you were right"... this is something i'm so happy about... but dread... cos you ah... almost just pass off as a worm in my stomache!! you sly spy!! wahahahahaha

anyway... thankz to all who made my day =) sweet dreamz!

last night

last night was like a night of a few activities... not all intended... but a continuation of the restless mood from the early part of the day...

cell was fruitful once again... thank God for speaking to each of us in His own way... well... that brings me to the verses that has the word "knowledge" reappearing so frequently... it's about the "knowledge of God" vs the "intimate knowledge of God"... in focus of bible study, it is so true that many may have the "technical knowledge" of the bible... but do we actually know the Lord we call heavenly Father? and how many are in the hunger of more of the Lord since we live days like we do not seem to need God at all... like i mentioned in an entry from last week's cell, terrible times we are in now... are the daily issues we face each day that surround and blind many of our hearts... comfort seems like the greatest challenge we face... how ironic... because we no longer feel threat... we no longer "need" God in a certain way... and without this "hunger" per say, how do we actually diligently seek Him and His word to guide us to understand the fear of the Lord...

taking this a little further... on the part of "knowledge" it makes us look at even the people around us... partaking bits in our lives... families, friends etc... how much do we know? how much do we share? i kinda still believe i'm very driven or affected by emotions... so i go with comfort with people... and gutt feel... stop telling me how silly that is lah... (i know some are having that in their minds) in the context of people... its like... how do you define knowing somebody? the example that was mentioned... was our SM LKY, we all know him, through the news, through his books... and things written about his life... but that equates to plain understanding of his actions... but who really would be the one who knows him... that comes down to his family? and probably friends... likewise for ourselves... who are those we share "knowledge" with? and who are those we share a "relationship" with? who are those we claim to know but equates only to like the competency of knowledge rather than an intimate understanding of the other?

was initially intending to head home... but a couple of ex-colleagues were meeting up... of whom i haven't met for a long time... wasn't extra fun or what... but glad that my presence was appreciated... turned up at the place i haven't been to... heard some updates from them... so quite glad... it's pretty interesting how people function... was only seconds since i stepped in... seriously i don't think i behaved any different... but one was asking, "what's on your mind? do you have a decision to make? what's bothering you?" no goosebumps... but just... some people can tell i guess since i always felt i wasn't that difficult to read as a person to begin with... well... restless but i really wasn't in the mood to talk that much about stuff... so didn't lah... anyway... enroute home, the other asked again... "are you sure you are fine?" ok, to be honest... i don't like have such a huge burden of issues on my back... but... thoughts did fill my mind lah... but... was it that obvious?? hahaha... but somehow he was saying... that i was pretty obviously bothered cos this was the only time it was so obvious lah... actually i really don't know how i showed it or how i don't...

anyway... the night didn't end though i got home... was just so restless... texted others to meet up again... a night of not much conversations... just... meet + food... no exchanging of anything deep or real... i think i just wanted to go out for whatevers reason...

all's over... came home at super odd hours... washed up... but... can't imagine feeling so fresh and awake still... i didn't sleep very well... woke up pretty early... and spent most time trying to fall back to sleep but just couldn't... sigh...

the greatest perk i expect from today... will be meeting the angel in my life!! k... angel is not that appropriate... but yeah... she's wonderful gal! seeya babe!

restless

just feeling restless... came in with a blank mind... wanna drop a few lines but dunno what to write... heading for my home cell in a short while...

i feel like going out leh... but... also like mood abit sian... woke up feeling a little grumpy already this morning... dunno why also... now... nobody's home... everybody went out to have fun... how shiok eh...

earlier today went to the so-called office... and dialed the first few numbers (equates to cold calls) to some people who are supposed to be interested to sell houses... whoah... this job no joke leh... k lah... i knew it lah... that's why i'm kinda dragging myself a little to even get started... then... for 3 days... mum has been going to office with me... then huh... must like PR with the whole world... not like i really mind lah... but just that... is truly a "people's business"... sounds silly lah... i usually don't have a problem smiling... but... i don't like to feel like i have to smile you know... hahaha... okok... i'm making myself sound so "dao" suddenly... that's not what i meant lah... but i guess... in very practical sense, this embarkation will be good training ground for me... to humble myself as much as to build some ego confidence... geez... that's actually how i describe it...

k lah... till the next... since i'm pretty much available with time at my desk... my entries will prob be more frequent than daily... hee....

some brain teasers.. am i a genius heehee

hey i got this right on first try... while reading.. not just counting k... whoa... if the statement of being a genius was true... yeah hey!!! hahaha... k lah.. crap... anyway... just thought they were pretty interesting... i like such stuff.. =)

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
The reasoning behind is that the brain cannot process "OF".
Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

pyjamas

over that crazy conversation.. we mentioned pyjamas.. just before turning in.. hahaha.. just had to add this in.. heehee..

seriously who in the world invented pyjamas? and when was it in my growing up life that i abolished the pratice of using pyjamas? hahahaha.. just find it funny to think about..

keep your minds on the right track yah.. cos i'm referring to proper sleep wear when we are at home sleeping alone.. so don't let your minds stray..

just wondering.. for guys and gals close enough who i know.. for the majority would be:

guys: topless and boxers or some shorts / some t-shirt or singlet and shorts / sarong?? heehee... you know who you are... ;)

gals: t-shirt, some spaghetti or singlet thingee and shorts / someone i know still wear pyjamas!!

hahahaha... interesting eh... recalling... as a kid... i was always made to wear some orbit looking pants categorized as pyjamas to go to bed in... in fear that the air-con would freeze me to death or something... wahahahahahaha... then... eventually... i introduced the "t-shirt and shorts" category in place of pyjamas in my home... i would think... that was in my early teens... it seems even like more trendy to sleep in that!! hahaha... how silly... heehee... then mum would nag and say... aiyah.. later cold... but have i not grown surviving the cold all these years... wahahaha... then... somewhere midway... replaced that with assortment of sleeveless tops or t-shirts and shorts... and i got that... "huh... aiyoh.. later cold ah" comment again... hahahaha...

k lah.. abit ku-ku to talk about this lah... but just even nostalgic to sometimes think of the word pyjamas... so cute... hahahaha... =D

finding some balance =)

spent most of the day with mum... then the car thingee... generally things were fine... tho something is still bugging me... but i'm doing well today =) guess my mood was really quite cheery because the car thing really didn't quite affect me... =p

met up with a bro... somebody i knew some years back but never really spoken to deeply... this evening was a time we chat a fair bit... and somehow... he drew some balance in my life... was getting a little lopsided with some stuff... but... yah... these couple of weeks were like times of re-tuning my mind and soul... heehee... i must add... had a 'lil crazy chat over the phone with a sweet fella too... original intention to cheer him a little... i ended up in a silly school-time like conversation which was pretty fun... thankz dude if you're reading ;) wahahahahaha!!

guess my recent entries are a little weird... i don't actually re-read my own posts... because they were simply emotions during a particular time which i "recorded" down... but feelings and emotions that i go through are things that don't leave my life... well at least so far that's how i think i am...

i don't find a real link between some of the entries... but... based on my recollection... they are a chain of fluctuating emotions i kinda have been fighting within myself... but i don't spell everything so clearly... like prefer a little ambiguity in the blog that likely some would know, some could guess or others may wonder what i write about... i may eventually forget... or remember events vaguely... but how i felt will probably sting me or warm my heart as i take every step in this worldly realm of life... and these are probably the things that discourages me most or boosts my strive the best... as i always believe... strongest weapons are likely the weakest defence; vice versa... and for me... would think emotions are one of them... =)

with this... i'm turning in... wish everybody a good night... going to bed with a smile... hee =)

boo-boo with the car!!

today has been fine... but... just as i was short of parking the vehicle to be home... this happened... some contractors left these wooden crates at the edge of the curb behind the parking lot... happily there i was... reversing the vehicle... gleefully contented with how aligned it was... then... the infamous "krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" sound was heard! darn!! anyway... the contractors' banglah workers were there... they were reluctant to give the contractor's contact lah... but we got it anyway... mum was with me... and bro saw it from upstairs... =p but... the thankful part is... i was reversing really slowly... if not... would have been worse... phew... fortunately my mum was around to be my witness... if not... gonna be nagged at for dunno how many months down the road ;)

some pics for you to vision the whole thing... honestly... i didn't see those crates... but again... i should have been more careful... lesson for the day with the car...

here you can see the damage done... ouch yeah??

in a good mood

dun ask me why... but i am... =)

i'm smiling =)

i just took a half hour power nap... hmmm... feels good =)

this silly woman huh... putting silly comments in my previous entry that i had to delete the entire entry because i didn't kn0w how to delete and didn't know if i could delete a comment... hee...

well well... evening is drawing near... got to get myself ready for school very soon... the bank woman pissed me off again just now... she was really too much lah... i just had to send that stinker mail and called her to give her a piece of my mind... anyway... it's finally really settled... phew...

hey sweet one... did you hear that i kinda teared when i was talking to you huh? so silly... the table is turned around now from how it was when you talked to me about very similar situations... but... that crap conversation i had with you was really crazy... hahaha... yah... i didn't have to do things to realise how silly i am... cos i already know... ku-ku right... so kiddish lah...

i guess it applies to many if not everyone, to fear to give because of the fear of feeling unreciprocated... or fear to receive something worse than not receiving... so that could be why people stop giving...

i have a contradicting mind... more often i have expectations not simply from people... but also from myself... i set a subconscious benchmark of the shoulds and should nots but seem to realise they are so idealistic that i cannot be capable of fulfilling them... because... i'm human... i develop a problem of self forgiveness which equates to guilt... darn... sounds so sad... but these are real aren't they? i don't know... i do silly stuff... and really walk into walls with eyes wide open... many times... i hear a loud bang... and feel the pain... then realise i'm sitting on the floor with a bad bruise on my head... then my mind spins... but... still got to get up and get moving... then... there are also times... very few times... where i still see walls... and walk into them... but the walls dissolve as if it was some secret door to nirvana (ok... i just can't find the right word to describe what's in my mind)... i wouldn't know how many walls i need to walk into to find the door... to keep walking needs courage too... because... if you never try to take that step... you wouldn't know if it's pain or relief... well... if we learn to avoid the walls... it could seem fine... but would be like walking in the maze of hmm... say life? you walk and walk... but it's a maze of no exits... the only way is to find the right walls that dissolve with your touch... so that you may take a step in that secret door...

this is an afternap mini-revelation for me... silly eh... but i like it =)

and for you my dear... we dun have to really be that reckless (or silly) to realise certain things, do we? my opinion stands... there are things we do not have to risk... an experiences we do not have to create to become history of the lives we live... despite agreeing with you... that life's too short for many things... it ain't that long to be worth it for agony that eats in from memories, am i that bit right in saying this? thanks for reminding me what i've ever shared as advice... i really forgot to use it on myself ;)

ok... have a good evening... off i go... God bless all =)

i know you wrote about me

hey sweet b****... yeah i know what you've written... fully understand it... i prefer to post my reply in my blog simply because, you know why... anyway i know you'll come by...

"motion doesn't equate to progression" i fully agree...

i'm probably one of those who has refused to even come clean with myself (you, the other of the same kind)... that's why i always depend on people like you... who simply reads me so well and clear to tell me stuff as if throwing me off a cliff... it somehow seems more acceptable being told off than to face how nasty, mean or pathetic i could be as a person... hee... k lah... probably not that bad lah huh... but you get me don't you?

having that conversation with you lifted my spirits alot... i'm taking courage... to face certain issues and choices better... making the effort to at least... i seriously can't remember when was it that i lost the "drive" which seemed to affect my whole life for a long time... but yah.. like you put it... we seem to be the type of people who wish that the world evolves around us than we evolve around others... selfish creatures aren't we? you know... last night... he told me that i am somebody who anticipates and fits certain expectations on people with the roles they play in my life, like bf = such behaviour; friends = such comfort zone; family = such duty etc... thinking deeper... seems true to some extent huh?

sometimes i even wonder... if i seek to help others simply to help myself in a way... like to feel more human... hee... k... before whoever else is reading draws some conclusion... this isn't meant to be some negative emotional entry... but she who's reading would truly understand in the actual context... others may interpret it otherswise, up to you really =)

you know... tonight i told somebody that i don't even fully trust myself... i didn't know how i came to make such a statement of myself... but you do know it's not based on nothing right... my mind or my heart sometimes move faster before i could understand fully... they sway around principles i laid and practiced for most of my life... i wonder... do i even understand myself enough according to my desires and needs... we'll talk more when we meet this weekend yah... i'm getting sleepy... better stop before i blabber rubbish in my own blog... heehee... hugz sweet b****, love you a great deal!

she said i am gutless

what a joke eh? well, it has always been easy to look at things from a 3rd party's perspective, to be able to analyse and comment... somehow when facing our own situations... many a time i would think, we are not totally blinded, more like we, or i, refuse to face certain facts or truths that we know best ourselves... conclusion: my bestie said i'm simply GUTLESS! well i don't quite deny it since she is one of the very few who truly can read me pretty well and accurately... like some psychic...

i need to pull some threads together now... decision in life is pretty much about choices... what we want or do not want... and if we want it, how much effort do we put in for it?

it's probably not always telling the whole world about how bad or negative i feel... this sweet b**** told me that negative energy is what i've been emitting too much lately... which i guess is quite true... and its impact is spreading to people around... and of course myself too... don't like it...

so... trying to build that chirpiness once again... many people used to comment that... i look very happy... positive... blah blah blah... till a point... i just start to feel... that how happy you look or behave doesn't always tally with true emotions within each of our hearts... i still believe it to be so... but feeling negative sometimes can be addictive... so... time for me to snap out of it... it's like... smiling before you say "hello"on the phone can be heard through your voice =) and a smile is always therapeutic to one's mind and soul... and probably to those around as well...

anyway... i'm beginning a new chapter of my life soon enough... my 1st lesson is at 2pm today... wish me blessings to achieve the best out of my school journey in the next year plus... by the end of it... besides results, i wish that the process will continue to mould and sharpen who i am as a person... =)

love, mel

我真的受伤了

灯光也暗了 音乐低声了

口中的棉花糖也融化了

窗外阴天了 人是无聊了

我的心开始想你了

电话响起了 你要说话了

还以为你心里对我又想念了

怎么你声音变得冷淡了

是你变了 是你变了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了

滴下的眼泪已停不住了

天下起雨了 人是不快乐

我的心真的受伤了

definition of "terrible" times

"... People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, non lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of Godliness but denying its power..."

2 Timothy 3:2-5'


these verses were covered during this evenings homecell... sounds really scary to me... just a brief info for you... this refers to the terrible times... times of Godlessness in the last days... which are more horrifying than times where Christians faced persecution... physical abuse... threats and so forth...

going through the comfort we live in today... complacent of the goodness we enjoy... when we went through this passage... felt like a some baseball bat hitting me... it's appalling.. worrying and scary...

read it over a few times... seconds of flashback and reflections simply highlighted how many of these describe who i am now or could be becoming... i dunno how you would see it... maybe... you may feel i'm just thinking too much... but it occurs to me... that the power of perceived reality has such a strong suction over me...

human emotions... are like the strongest weapons that we have... but are also our weakest defense... emotions can be lethal... for you to think about...

i know... of the people reading my blog... not all may be believers yet... or perhaps even believing but in denial... but i do know... most would have heard of God... obviously... i've never been one who walks up to any of you to say "hey, can i share the word of God with you?" just hmm... not my way i guess... but... looking deeper... i ought to be doing more if i love you people so much... well... my opinion... (i.e. not taught by any church friends or leaders...) the things that the bible records, teaches... and prophecies it talks about... Christian or not... you will have a mind to decide if you agree... the values it imparts... are so true and applicable to life... and to the lives we live today... it just feels so real... in moments... when i feel so numbed by issues i face... the word, can be such a powerful trigger that tells me not to fall into the boobie trap laid there... all it takes is a moment of distraction... and i would be sinking deeper into more traps laid down... hungrily waiting for me to put my foot in... i do hope that the word can equip you with strength and fill you with peace as much or even more than it is providing for me... so if you do have a bible lying somewhere at home... pick it up to read... even take it as a bed time story book... or a nothing-better-to-do-then-read book... you never know how the wonders of God can move in your lives... you don't have to update or tell me if it made any difference to your life now or in the future... it's just an open suggestion... that i feel will benefit you somehow... you may even want to take out the element of religion to read it... how you start... really may not determine how you'd finish...

it wasn't a fantastic week for me... but it is almost over anyway... so well... time to pick myself up and move on... will not be an easy time ahead... but... will pray for guidance, wisdom, patience and perserverance...

may God bless you and everyone... and may we all be strenghthened in our spirits and our soul...

with love, mel

...

ok well... time to take out anger from this blog once more...
(have deleted the content once again...)

though i do not deny... i still bear some of it inside me...

but... i'm trying ok... some time should work it out...

if you're worried or concerned... just pray for me...

i will be fine...

last night... somebody msn-ed me... saying i'm a strong gal...

i don't know if i really am... but i'm definately finding my way to be one...


thankz lovely ones =)

pms inspired.. dumb but true!

it seems even silly to write about this.. but i just had to...

you see ah.. it's like irritating and troublesome.. sometimes.. even messy enough that women have to bleed every that time of the month..

but the multiplier effect.. is the definately undesired "perks" it comes with...

all the possible irritable things you can think of.. not expecting which exact day.. losing sleep.. cramps.. pains and aches in weird places.. even bad runny nose.. tiredness... and worst of all.. silly and cranky moods that very often are not very controllable.. say and do silly stuff.. cry over the tiniest silly bits of life.. goodness... there seriously should be some reason why women have to go through this kinda silly s*** that we're not having a say in... darn.. i would even say.. it brings about a regular cycle of monthly depression!! argh!!

人生的悲哀与无奈

人心似乎会随着成长渐渐的麻木...

人，不再渴望，因为慢慢的好像发觉渴望尽然是一种奢望...

抱有太大的希望，一旦落空，
最终得到的是一片荒凉、空白、无奈的心痛...

失望是人生麻木的强行针...

这一支强行针是不是人生成长必需的有效麻药？
对人，对事，对情似乎都如此...

这或许就是人生...

看似乐观，深入一点的看清，
乐观中遮掩着的悲观更加强烈...

因为悲观永远是带给失望最有效的解放，
让人可以更容易得接受失望...

~麟~

dropping by..

hmm last night came home really late.. was actually very tired.. but my spirits were on cloud nine.. somehow.. late as it was.. i took quite a long time to fall asleep.. longer than usual at least..

today.. weather was so nice and comfy.. would have been great to like sleep in the whole day =D but.. no lah.. shopped for little megan's birthday pressie and went to granny's place for her 1st birthday's celebration.. soooooo cute.. this is her, but taken some months back =p


home am i now.. actually the tiredness from last night is like wearing in.. *yawnz* watching this very saddistic show on home abuse.. quite psychotic.. sick.. and inhuman.. sigh.. part of world is really super grey.. it's actually based on true stories.. sigh.. sad.. sad..

k lah.. good night and sweet dreamz to all.. except for those.. sleeping in the morning.. tonight finals right?? hee.. seriously.. i wouldn't know if my mum didn't say so.. =D

trying not to put my picture.. but want to lah.. hee..

heehee.. ok.. it would be typical of me to put my picture in my own blog.. especially.. it's me you're talking about..

honestly.. i didn't know how to get it done.. but again.. i didn't really try to find out.. because.. thought this would be a space strictly for expression in words..

i finally did find out how to.. but still didn't quite wanna display my photo here.. so just this one.. hee.. =) taken during an evening with a bunch of people dear to me..

present shopping

what a month july is.. can almost fill my ten fingers when counting how many pressies i need to get.. i'm only 3 down... man.. $ is one thing.. but.. whoa.. my brains are quite fried just to think about the ideas of what to get.. geez..

went shopping at tampines.. again, i was late.. so had to take cab.. i don't mean to laugh at this guy k.. but i was staring into space.. when i saw this young chap approaching the road divider when he finished crossing the road.. then.. he stepped on it with one foot.. and he almost lost balance.. hee.. i smiled to myself.. not to laugh at him.. but i'm simply reminded of a typically my kinda clumsiness.. then.. the lagi classic moment.. he regained balance.. but bent down to pick up his slipper that fell on the road.. hee.. it's like so my kinda moment you know!! happened to me too many times i can't even count!! even had someone pick up my shoe stick at the lift before!! embarassing..

well.. another classic... when choosing and selecting the ideal gift.. and scrutinizing to make sure it's the closest to flawless piece we got... i saw this white thread.. then.. thought.. remove it.. then... wahahahaha.. the trail of white thread is like so long.. i thought the embroidery was gonna fall off!!! hahaha.. but ok lah.. i didn't spoil it fortunately.. hee...

hmmm.. enough for now.. feeling sleepy tonight.. so shall be turning in... got a 10 yr old gal's birthday party to attend.. how fortunate children are huh?

sweet dreamz..

too much sleep? hee

hee.. alright.. had a good rest... woke up in the afternoon today.. end up spending the afternoon on msn.. seriously, i too wonder how come i have so much to chat.. geeez...

had my first meal at 4 plus when my mum came back with chicken rice.. i know.. she's a happy mama when i'm home.. can see the glee in her face.. =) came back to the pc... chat a little.. and then drove out for mum to pack her dinner.. came back.. stoned awhile.. and.. erm.. fell asleep.. heehee.. i know it sounds irritating if you're a working adult.. but yah.. i'm enjoying this lifestyle tho it's like only 1 week i can do this... lazily woke up again at about 10?? downloading pics from a common blog with some friends.. chat a little.. got some nice songs from a sweet dude and downloaded them for mum to her mp3 player.. chat some more.. then went for supper.. erm.. or late dinner...

how nice a day.. not exactly productive.. but therapeutic for the human mind and soul.. simplicity is such a bliss i never could appreaciate it more.. pretty much wide awake at this hour.. not usual for me.. if i was up this late... would only have been hanging out somewhere or rushing some assignment.. decided to come in here to put in this aimless entry... i like this feel.. really.. no load my back.. just peace.. lazily peaceful..

just a thought.. from a conversation i had with a dear friend.. men are from mars.. women are from venus.. pretty true in what the book says i think.. tho i haven't read it.. men and women pretty much think, feel and behave differently.. and some traits within each gender are very prominent.. i really understand that there are difference between the genders... but.. somehow.. relationships are human issues.. really... emotional stuff... i wonder if learning these differences.. are hmmm useful for everyone.. you see.. if it's learnt and understood.. rightfully i thought it would help each other be more understanding.. or even empathetic towards each other.. but again.. because of the difference.. it's like.. reaction to the reading differs... for example, men says: no you don't understand, and you won't because we perceive it differently.. then women would say: i know it's different... that's why.. i'm explaining.. well dunno how to explain my point.. prob it's a so called woman thing? hee.. really don't know.. somehow.. i do however believe that every woman has her guy-ish characteristics... and man alike, have their womanly traits.. we're afterall human.. some needs and desires are still common.. vanity, attention, love, care, assurance, company... even the most ego guy would need these.. or no?? to be heard, to be understood, to make choices, express views and make decisions or take the lead.. different women shows such in different areas don't they? i prefer to believe that there are some skills that men are better at.. and ladies have a different forte.. and the generalisation is simply based on majority.. honestly, all our values or even behaviours are largely socially constructed aren't they? the way we learn, what we're exposed to as the norm very much shapes certain things in our minds... just a thought.. taking the content of book.. and applying it on a different society.. does it necessarily apply? perhaps it does in variable ways.. well my opinion has no grounds since i haven't even read the cover! but i do feel that men and women characteristics can differ according to cultures as well...

k.. this is quite enough i guess.. i really should turn in.. less i wait for sunrise in couple of hours time.. sweet dreamz and God bless all =)

~ mel ~

growing old with you..

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks, oh
It could be so nice growing old with you

I’ll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you’re cold
Need you, feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

just wanted to write

hmm got the urge to write.. well.. my language isn't really powerful.. but my blog.. who cares.. just felt like writing.. alot of thoughts over the weekend..

for the past 2 months or so.. had been so much fun and enjoyment.. i'm like so addicted to it.. sheesh.. feels even odd not to see you people for a day now.. but i guess.. time to pack up some wilful playful thoughts to get things back in tune.. ok.. you guys were splendid.. yes you were.. chilling out.. fun, crap and games.. behaving like tourists.. taking the boat ride.. and taking a thousand pictures.. hee... how not to love all of you.. heehee.. ever looking forward to each gathering.. wahahahahahahahaha..

saturday was wonderful.. thankz lady.. you really spoke sense into me.. somehow you did.. and and hey guy.. thanks for the chat over msn.. felt like tight slaps right onto my face.. but.. was really effective =) appreciate you for that too.. much as you people may not even read this.. but never mind.. heehee.. some things.. too mushy to say.. so let me let it all out here ;)

weekend had been nice though lazy.. superman was gorgeous!! wahahahaha.. my typically much-doubted stuffy nose got pretty bad.. so my bed was like my bestest friend.. and slept in most of sunday before heading to joe's for dinner..

but.. hmm.. today ah.. wrapped my last day with this company.. the crappiest resignation period ever.. i really dun wanna continue b****ing about it.. but well.. i kinda got my way.. and today's my last day.. i seriously never heard of a lamer reason than this.. "1 week notice excludes weekends" well.. anyway.. i'm outta the company.. hated to display my b****y traits.. but unfortunately i was forced to demonstrate them ever wilfully.. but hey.. i meant it when i said.. take care and God bless k.. i still believe in harmony yah..

hmm.. actually i do have something else to say here.. but.. dunno how.. sigh.. never mind.. leave it to be brought with me to my dreamz when i sleep...

hugz for you..

~mel~

my heart cries for you..

just over the past week and today.. i found some very dear people around me with hearts unhealed.. and a little broken..

it pains me.. because i really wish i could do more for you.. who stood by me when i needed you.. sat by my side when i needed the quietness... listened to me rattle my wilfulness away... and opened your arms when i needed a hug... but i also understand that many instances.. it is beyond me...

i just pray that you would be strong and time can do its job more quickly then it usually does.. to ease your pain and heal the hurt..

love, mel