nostalgic.. nice..

hey =)

had been a wonderful week.. really.. things seem to be very timely.. was clearing leave and all..

it's amazing how life workz out sometimes.. have been having little sleep cos of late nights this week, catching up with some people i've neva spoken to for ages.. or.. even.. some i've known of their existence for ages but neva spoke.. the only kuku thing that happened was last night we went bowling.. i mean.. geez.. anyone who knows me long enough would know that.. hmm i used to be able to only hit a few pins and kena the drain through the rest of the game.. hahaha.. well.. anyway.. only for leisure and fun of it.. hahaha..

not the point lah.. i'm just.. glad lah.. happy with this week.. really.. lovely people...

think my life is simply so blessed.. thank God for keeping nice people in my life! hee..

to a very nice lady: yesterday was really wonderful because of you.. i was actually crying when i told you the stuff.. it's like after so many years.. it's probably the only time i reanacted the whole incident through my mind calmly.. i thought i forgot most of it.. but.. guess i neva did afterall.. hee.. thankz for juz bothering to listen.. but the crying was good.. cos my mind was rather refreshed.. and i do see myself holding on to the very sweet memories and really letting go of the crappy parts.. thankz lady!

love all of ya!!
mel =)

sky above the trees

hello!

was waiting for joe to pick me up for supper earlier.. i was waiting at the pavement.. enjoying the cooling breeze.. my mind was idle and i lazily stood there.. then i looked up..

i found myself standing under a tree and the leaves were sheltering me.. they kind of darkened the evening sky even more.. i juz stared longer.. then began to observe.. putting my vision slightly farther, i saw the skies..

some thoughts ran through my mind.. it's like life, attitude towards life.. many times, we are locked up in our little situations, that seem to be difficult and cramp us into a tough spot.. then we just keep looking around for some sort of space to breath, but never seem to be able to do so.. but if we take a step up, cool down and think again, we might realise that we neglected the nice blue sky blocked by the leaves although we always knew that the sky was there..

hmmm am i making sense.. i don't know how to put in a good example for you to relate to, but.. hmm.. maybe you go stand under the tree and see if you feel the same way... hahaha..

grudges?

hey there.. i know my mind should still be on my unfinished assignment.. but well.. can't help it..

i had a friend.. and i did treat her with a true heart.. i dunno what happened.. but she did something.. that i obviously felt betrayed.. and to some point insulted.. i was angry.. and it was painful.. but well.. it was in the long past.. though we dun talk.. it's nice to know that she's well..

some time ago.. i heard from a friend's friend about her.. well.. initially was funny.. i mean.. small world.. but i found it amusing when i heard that she said stuff about me.. a 'lil disturbed since i dunno the agenda of speaking ill.. but.. never mind.. what's past is past..

but recently, i heard again.. the same thing.. i really can't rationalize what's in her mind.. we're way outta each others' lives aren't we? almost 8 years since wat happened.. why can't she just let go.. speaking ill.. pardon me.. isn't simply gossip.. it's such a shallow behaviour.. (ok.. i'm getting agitated here) and in fact weird in this context, since it's totally based on unfound grounds.. and my.. going on for the longest time..

i don't know.. one of the ultimate characters who ever came into my life.. and never left it i guess.. sheeesh.. rather she didn't let me leave hers.. i know it's silly to be even the least bit affected.. but.. anyway.. i'm human with emotions..

if you (her lah) do read this blog ever.. you know what i'm saying.. i'll still say, take care, and God bless you.. and i truly pray that you learn to be real.. take off that armour that you've been putting on for far too long.. it is affecting your vision instead of shielding you.. in fact i feel it's paralysing you and hindering you from seeing the love* in life that you've been seeking..

* i don't mean love as in guy-gal love (knowing you, i've to explain) i really mean the genuine love in life..

mars

hello people..

despite having a weekend of very little sleep.. my mind seemed to have went through ecstasy.. hmm.. not very sure if it was the right word to use.. but anyway.. for a light start... i kena sabo-ed during our company's dnd!!! by the "ham sup" mc.. spell "madagascar" with my butt on stage (by the way, this is like a forfit in primary school games lor).. my.. what a farewell impression to leave for my colleagues.. hahaha.. but well.. did enjoy the evening anyway.. adios colleagues!

a very good friend lent me this taiwanese drama vcd to watch.. before i continue.. i agree it's one of those F4 member's thingee that many would think is simply silly naive and lame.. blah blah blah.. anyway, it's called <战神> or Mars.. as i watched it.. it brought me to a very different perspective.. a way deeper one... i don't think it's on sale anymore since it's quite old.. basically it's about this guy who has a history of being mentally ill and this gal who was raped by her stepdad.. the story tells of how they walked out of darkness and "made it" lah.. really really liked it.. it is more meanful than any gal and guy falls in love.. blah blah.. happily ever after.. nothing of that sort..

know what.. i used to be seen as (probably still is) this gal who's naively emotional with drama serials and all.. but after watching this one.. i kind of learnt something new about myself.. at a point where i almost agreed that believing in these "airy-fairy" stuff is unreal and impossible.. i realised this is simply the part of me that keeps me moving forward.. many people always ask, why and how do i keep smiling, i used to say that it's a matter of choice to face life with a positive attitude and realise that nobody owes us a living.. but just this very weekend.. it feels like.. that's not all.. it's a huge part because of these so called "airy-fairy" things that i believe in.. truly and sincerely.. we are human beings sharing a space in this world.. and it's all these emotionally intriguing shows i watch.. that remind me, that the fundamentals of life and love is so straightforward and simple.. but we always let the most ridiculous challenges hold us back and snatch us away from what we actually are as a person.. i dunno how this sound to you reading it.. but my smile is a gift from God.. as long as i continue to believe in Him, His love, and the love in life.. no one. not anybody can take away this seemingly naive but very real thing in life i hold on to, i will continue to keep this smile through the happiest moments and darkest hours.. and pray that it will be a blessing to all of you too..

i truly understand and believe : 黑暗最巨大的敌人，叫做 ---- 爱.

so to all those who are going through low seasons in life, those who may be depressed, feeling helpless or even hopeless.. just like to encourage you.. don't even have the thought that i had an easy stride because you see me smiling.. there are loads more in life everyone goes through than what you see.. but even then.. a true smile demonstrates genuine joy even through tough encounters in life.. what it takes, is courage, faith, and trust in love.. if you'd like to borrow the dvd, i've got it.. just let me know.. would be most ready to share it with you!

to terence, thank you for the wonderful worship you led on sunday.. the Lord's presence was so strong.. tremendously powerful.. actually it's the 1st time i'm leading in dance in worship.. i dunno how to phrase myself.. but everything fell so nicely into place.. the emotions i went through.. the ladies dancing, the entire worship team.. and you, the worship leader.. the cry out to God was so real.. and.. i just dunno how to describe this.. press on.. God's hearing us.. I know that.. I'm you do too ;)

a long time

hey.. been missing for awhile.. been rather busy lately.. clearing my assignments.. finally can get a short break before the next 2 due on 19 April..

i've been thinking.. but my thoughts are messy.. can't explain it.. my mind seems stifled.. so much i wanna do.. but everything seems tough..

i've tendered my resignation on friday last week.. and i'm now serving my notice period before i'm off and away from this place.. hee.. but honestly.. i'm not all that happy about this whole thing.. i look forard to moving on to a new job.. still, can't help but think about the familiarity of this place.. i mean.. 2 years isn't a very long period but definately significant enough to miss this place.. so used to the space here.. you know what i mean.. i see people i know when i walk around.. know where to go skive.. oops.. haha.. it's one place where i sweat my arse out for work.. had fun, went through some struggles.. aiyah.. dunno lah.. i simply grew attached to this place subconsciously..

off i'm moving on to a new.. not just new.. but different environment.. it's much smaller.. within an office space.. (not like the 2 terminals i walk around in the public and transit areas) less people.. and i'm pretty sure it's gonna be competitive there too.. but i do trust and belief that God has something planned for me.. from the way He led me to the job, i know God planned this route for me.. I haven't understood why, but i'm certain He led the way.. so i'm keeping faith in this journey ;)

that's for my work.. and.. hmm.. over last 2 weeks, met up with our capoeira group people.. one was our mestre's birthday, and the other a wedding chalet.. was good time catching up with bits here and there from everyone.. i miss those times ah.. well well.. we had a roda at the chalet.. (a capoeira game) cool, good fun.. but whoa.. i cannot make it sia... kena tripped and fell.. well, it pays off to practice and shows if you've not been training.. you know.. the mind sees the attack coming.. but pysically, the limbs are lagging!! haha.. brincadeira.. (joke in portugues) well.. but liked it.. see how things goes.. maybe.. i'll be back someday?? hahaha..

and yah.. got a sudden thought reflecting on a seminar i attended.. on relationships and choosing life partners.. this particular part of it hit me pretty deep.. it's about soul-ties bound by past relationships.. or even sexual relationships.. thought the message on this was pretty powerful.. you see.. basically it says that a dating couple should not cross boundaries of sexual bonding for a fundamental simple reason.. that is.. dating does not come with responsibilities of a marriage.. and therefore should not come with the same privileges as well.. i dunno why i suddenly thought about this but just wanna put it down here.. if someone needs to talk about it.. please call me.. i'll be glad to hear you out.. the part about "soul-ties" that if any have committed pre-marital sex or even adultry.. blah blah blah.. you would have been bounded by "soul-ties" that "contaminates" and binds your life.. it's not about just emotional or physical ties.. it's a sin that binds you.. but God, is ever forgiving.. that "if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1John 1:9. But God forgives with conditions.. you must always remember, it's if you confess sins with truthfulness and repentance.. then God is able to break us free from these soul-ties and gone are the works of the evil one!

that's all for now.. heading to church for worship practice.. 1st time leading dance worship.. i'm not quite confident cos i'm not really familiar with the steps.. seeking God's guidance through this.. so till the next.. God bless all!

luv mel