last night

last night was like a night of a few activities... not all intended... but a continuation of the restless mood from the early part of the day...

cell was fruitful once again... thank God for speaking to each of us in His own way... well... that brings me to the verses that has the word "knowledge" reappearing so frequently... it's about the "knowledge of God" vs the "intimate knowledge of God"... in focus of bible study, it is so true that many may have the "technical knowledge" of the bible... but do we actually know the Lord we call heavenly Father? and how many are in the hunger of more of the Lord since we live days like we do not seem to need God at all... like i mentioned in an entry from last week's cell, terrible times we are in now... are the daily issues we face each day that surround and blind many of our hearts... comfort seems like the greatest challenge we face... how ironic... because we no longer feel threat... we no longer "need" God in a certain way... and without this "hunger" per say, how do we actually diligently seek Him and His word to guide us to understand the fear of the Lord...

taking this a little further... on the part of "knowledge" it makes us look at even the people around us... partaking bits in our lives... families, friends etc... how much do we know? how much do we share? i kinda still believe i'm very driven or affected by emotions... so i go with comfort with people... and gutt feel... stop telling me how silly that is lah... (i know some are having that in their minds) in the context of people... its like... how do you define knowing somebody? the example that was mentioned... was our SM LKY, we all know him, through the news, through his books... and things written about his life... but that equates to plain understanding of his actions... but who really would be the one who knows him... that comes down to his family? and probably friends... likewise for ourselves... who are those we share "knowledge" with? and who are those we share a "relationship" with? who are those we claim to know but equates only to like the competency of knowledge rather than an intimate understanding of the other?

was initially intending to head home... but a couple of ex-colleagues were meeting up... of whom i haven't met for a long time... wasn't extra fun or what... but glad that my presence was appreciated... turned up at the place i haven't been to... heard some updates from them... so quite glad... it's pretty interesting how people function... was only seconds since i stepped in... seriously i don't think i behaved any different... but one was asking, "what's on your mind? do you have a decision to make? what's bothering you?" no goosebumps... but just... some people can tell i guess since i always felt i wasn't that difficult to read as a person to begin with... well... restless but i really wasn't in the mood to talk that much about stuff... so didn't lah... anyway... enroute home, the other asked again... "are you sure you are fine?" ok, to be honest... i don't like have such a huge burden of issues on my back... but... thoughts did fill my mind lah... but... was it that obvious?? hahaha... but somehow he was saying... that i was pretty obviously bothered cos this was the only time it was so obvious lah... actually i really don't know how i showed it or how i don't...

anyway... the night didn't end though i got home... was just so restless... texted others to meet up again... a night of not much conversations... just... meet + food... no exchanging of anything deep or real... i think i just wanted to go out for whatevers reason...

all's over... came home at super odd hours... washed up... but... can't imagine feeling so fresh and awake still... i didn't sleep very well... woke up pretty early... and spent most time trying to fall back to sleep but just couldn't... sigh...

the greatest perk i expect from today... will be meeting the angel in my life!! k... angel is not that appropriate... but yeah... she's wonderful gal! seeya babe!