in a blue moon...

i have been having the thought to blog for awhile, but been avoiding it somehow.. for i think of who may be reading it.. and i fear judgement of some kind.. yet thinking again, doesn't this place belong to me?

i fear the words that i express with, that i may not like what they speak to me.. or speak of myself..

the speed of how things move.. are somewhat interesting.. packing each to the brim... working like i've got so much to do, meeting up with friends till i hardly even rest.. leaving no room for anything at all... and that's for over 2 months now.. i have no idea if this is anyway fulfilling, deluding, or just getting by somehow...

is it with age? or is it about life that made me not remember that these months just ran by me at such speed?

was i once remorseful, guilt-stricken, then awaken to see that this was not all of it? did i just finally see that it wasn't all about how was i not up to it... so many voices speak yet the truth lies only in the hearts don't they... even words we speak hardly express the depths of our thoughts and genuine emotions...

actions are translations of thoughts, intentions, defense, response, denial, desires, resentment, deceit... and so many more, who is to say, which of these do actions represent? there could be so many more emotions beneath the facade of a smile, an opinion, an expression, or a gesture, or not?

many i miss, many i wish i otherwise did, all of whom and which i appreciate... those who trampled taught me strength, those who loved taught me faith, those who believed taught me grace, those who deceived taught me truth, those who shared taught me listening, those who angered taught me fear... those who left taught me how i should stay...