i have things to say

i'm not very happy right now... it's not very describable to explain how i feel... but.. just feel bugged...

things in life happen so quickly... seems faster than a flash of lightning... and as every moment passes us by, the next moment takes over more efficiently than ever... we just seem to be at the mercy of time huh??

grandma was admitted to hospital this evening... she's alright now... should be asleep on the hospital bed i saw her coupld of hours ago... you know... the world functions in an odd way... beyond comprehension...

we know that we live.. go through a whole cycle of pretty "standard" processes and phases laid by society... then we eventually take our last breath... probably all of us sees this transit in our life since way back... but... it just gets so hurtful and worrying over an elders' sickness and we can't bear to let people dear to our hearts leave us... it's all a normal human emotion... but i'm only saying that it's odd because it's like we knew such situations will confront us some day in our lives... but we'll never be able to take it when it comes... why is life such an irony?

a friend, and sister in Christ had a word with me during cell today... i know and understand her words... and i'm chewing hard.. trying to swallow every line she said to me... i am struggling on a very fine line now... i can't describe it.. it's like.. whether what i know equates to what i really truthfully know and believe in? am i fighting to convince myself over anything? or was i truly convinced once but having doubts over my convictions? k.. my brains aren't functioning very well now perhaps... tired... in need of sleep...

somebody shared about her life testimonies and struggles about how real God is in her life... i know God is very real in my life too... and we are put on many tests and trials in this transiting realm of life we are given... if this is a test, let Thy will be done for the Lord has made and known everyone of us in His plan, to do and choose what He desires us to decide for... and all the consequences... He knew well before creating our existence... why we were where we were once, and why we are at current state now... and where we will be...

truly... states of uncertainty or agony... what are they? and where did they come from? perhaps self? my current psychology course... it is building knowledge for me... but the process of rationalizing how we function as human is like... hmmm how should i describe it... all the different schools of thoughts are applicable... like how our desires and satisfaction is driven... why do we seeks what we seek and why do we feel what we feel when we have or haven't attained them...

k.. i guess it's really too much liao... everything i'm typing is like scattered chunks of words... not really getting anywhere... well.. to all.. take care and good night!

with love =)