hello

hey bros and sis in Christ! yeah.. i kinda left imdtly after service this sunday cos had to come back to start working on some tests and assignment due dates coming up..

been procrastinating.. and now still semi-procrastinating... very bad... but sigh... a certain load of distractions left me in some restless dazy mode... not been functional... but of course... i do know that when stuff have to done.. they have to be done anyhow...

the sad part about life is simply like how life goes on as a surface of perceptions and coldness in this world.. but who seeks beneath this facade to find and understnad true hearts and feelings.. my gosh.. how did i actually come up with that... have i started to follow, or have always been following the world in the slavery of society? why is it difficult to forgive? why is it tough to let go? why is it a struggle to stop the tears? why is it a battle to survive? why is it a fight to take each new step? why is it wrong to seek? why is it easy to comprehend yet almost impossible to accept? why is there a label of doing right or wrong? why is there "bad" if we know the "good"? treachery in life? or should i say irony? or perhaps the drama and joke of life?

i just read a book (all of you would know i DON'T read.. but this is special.. a gift from my dear girl... "tuesdays with morrie" a beautiful book.. reminding me of how i let "love" keep my life going since very young days... if you've read it... it's about how an old professor lived his last days by learning to value significance of living after he found out he was ill with a fatal disease... just some thoughts and reflections... life is odd but interesting... like a puzzle that you can solve yet may not understand... it is joyful yet depressing... you learn that you've loved when you've lost... you learn to treasure when you do not possess... but... when you didn't lose or possess... you wouldn't have realised the need to treasure or the love you had... it's as if simplicity is the key... as in.. we go back down to basics.. you know.. as a child.. we cry easily as much as we give and seek.. along the path of growing up.. the hurt comes in more forms like anger, pain and loss.. then we grow up becoming more mature as we are supposed to be... and understand these emotions... instead of loving and giving... we develop fear to give yet are hungry to seek and receive... which seems like an impossible to reconcile equation... until one day.. we know we are departing this world.. (assuming we die physically through sickness) then instantly.. everything becomes immaterial.. because we finally face the impermanance of life even we knew it was such all along and we knew well we would depart someday... but only till the moment we realise time was no longer our bargain.. then we go back to basics... of the emotions, memories and loves of our life that we will treasure so much more.. they return to us in our hearts becoming the most valuable things in life that are beyond valuation.. just as if they were when we had simple minds as children...

the reading made me cry... it was a book of simple words that touched my heart and reminded me of how i wanted to live my life and still want to... it's a very humanistic book...

just some sharing with love..

mel